How Children Learn to Keep Secrets: A Look into Psychology!

How Children Learn to Keep Secrets: A Look into Psychology!

On April 17, 2025, a mother plans a surprise party for her husband's birthday. She asks her child to keep the secret until the special day. This everyday scenario raises the question of when children are capable of keeping secrets. Prof. Dr. Sabine Seehagen from the Ruhr University Bochum, a leading expert in the field of developmental psychology, comments on this topic and explains the complex demands that keeping secrets places on children.

Seehagen explains that understanding that they have information that others do not is a key component in what is known as theory of mind. Children not only need to be cognitively able to store information, but also to control their impulses - an ability that research often associates with so-called executive functions. These features are crucial in helping children learn to control their thoughts and actions to maintain a secret.

The marshmallow test and its meaning

A well-known example to illustrate these executive functions is the so-called marshmallow test. This tests a child's ability to postpone an immediate reward in favor of a later, larger reward. This test is considered an indicator of self-control and impulse control in children, skills that are also essential for keeping secrets.

Seehagen points out that before the age of five or six, most children have difficulty keeping secrets. However, in the three to five age group, significant developmental steps occur that influence their ability to understand and keep secrets. However, there are significant individual differences in the age at which children are able to master such tasks.

A confidential secret as a test

To test these skills in children, Seehagen suggests telling a child an innocuous secret. This could help monitor the development of relevant skills. In addition, the social context plays a crucial role as it influences the likelihood that a child will tell a secret. Depending on the environment and social pressure, the need to share a secret can vary greatly.

As research in developmental psychology advances, it is clear that the ability to keep secrets is not just an individual ability but also needs to be considered in a broader social context. The findings of Prof. Dr. Sabine Seehagen show how important it is to support children and help them develop these complex social skills. Further details on the topic can be found in the articles by Ruhr University Bochum and University of Freiburg.